Isolation and Connection in the Family

Kyung-Sook Shin’s novel Please Look After Mom deals with the isolation of the individual even in the sometimes-intimate context of the immediate family. The disappearance of the family’s mother exacerbates these feelings of isolation--and the family members are flooded by memories of past experiences of isolation. The story begins by addressing the eldest daughter in the family, Chi-hon. Reflecting upon their past interactions, Chi-hon regrets the disconnected, shallow conversations that comprised her phone calls with her mother: “Your words had to do with whether she ate, whether she was healthy, how Father was, that she should be careful not to catch cold, that you were sending money” (35). Chi-hon’s older brother, Hyong-chol, is detached from his siblings in his role as the eldest son: “The eldest brother has to be dignified. He has to be the role model. If the eldest brother goes the wrong way, his siblings will go that way, too” (113). In his responsibility, Hyong-chol is alone. And the youngest daughter of the family often feels separate from her own siblings and parents by the consuming task of raising three children. She justifies her absence in the search for her mother: “What? You want me to take care of it? Me? What do you think I can do with three kids?” (184). The father of these adult children has known a lifetime of aloneness: “isolation” would drive him to “wander the country” for months on end and his marriage was spent “without talking” to his wife (130, 176). Park So-nyo, the family’s mother, is physically separated from her family throughout the entire novel, and was not a stranger to solitude before her disappearance. She takes her daughter on a walk down the path to her deceased mother’s house, although she usually walks alone because “there’s nobody who would come with [her]” (47). Each member of the family, though sharing countless experiences, seems to operate--or at least believe himself or herself to be operating-- autonomously.

But the disappearance of their mother and wife painfully pushes them to recognize the deep feeling and connection that binds the family together. Regardless of hurts dealt in all directions, the loss of an integral part of the family system uncovers tremendous care and acknowledgement of the necessity of family. There is a beautiful circularity in Park So-nyo’s final appreciation of her mother as her own children realize their aching love for her: “She takes the blue plastic sandals off my feet and pulls my feet into her lap. Mom doesn’t smile. She doesn’t cry. Did Mom know? That I, too, needed her my entire life?” (228). The family is unavoidable and hurtful, but essential and life-giving.